August 25, 2008
But his flesh upon him shall have pain, and his soul within him shall mourn. Job 14:22.
Please God, stop the pain. Have you ever said a prayer that consisted mostly of these words? When we are having so much pain, it’s difficult to think about anything else. Pain clouds our vision, our thoughts, our hearts. Pain can make it difficult to focus on our Lord.
Please God, stop the pain. Stop this thief named pain. I realized that my relationships, my work, my well-being had become secondary to coping with the pain.
Not too long ago, I asked God to move this mountain called pain. I tried to think about how Jesus felt when He knew that His death was imminent. It was impossible to comprehend, but it was the only way I could relate to Jesus at that point. I had to relate to His suffering because all I could think about was mine.
Some of my friends told me they had asked God why I was having glossopharyngeal neuralgia after being delivered from trigeminal neuralgia. I knew there was no point in asking God why because a direct answer would not come. It’s up to me to understand. It’s up to me to remember that He will not leave me or forsake me. It’s up to me to really believe and receive.
As the pain lingered, my prayers began to change. All I could think about was the gospel song that says Lord, don’t move that mountain. Give me strength to climb. It had become apparent to me that God was allowing the pain. Why should I ask Him to stop it?
Along with the pain, grief flooded me. I doubted myself. Had I made a mistake? Had I taken a job to help people in pain only to be diverted back into pain myself?
I thought about how specific I had been years ago when I had asked God to heal me of trigeminal neuralgia. Now I realize that my intentions were amiss. I didn’t need to be so specific because God knew exactly what I needed. I had been diagnosed also with glossopharyngeal neuralgia, but I did not understand the depths of its pain. I never talked to God about it. Then a few months ago, I began to pray about it and couldn’t stop.
Sunday, my church gathered around me to pray for me, and I felt the burden lift from me. From a position of faith, I prayed Thank You, Lord, for stopping the pain. I’ve only had one day full of pain since then.
I don’t know how God gave me the strength to climb the mountain. I only know that His mercy saw me through. And if more symptoms follow, I know that His grace is sufficient. I’ve been shaken by this “affliction,” even though the Word instructs us differently. I just want to thank God for helping me believe and receive.
Have you read With Great Mercy?