October 24, 2005
For an angel went down at a certain time into the pool and stirred up the water; then whoever stepped in first, after the stirring of the water, was made well of whatever disease he had. John 5:4
Whoever coined the phrase "growing pains" knew what he or she was talking about. Recently God has given me some wonderful experiences to use my faith. They have been exhilerating. Along with them, I have been reminded of my own frailty, my own shortcomings, and my total reliance upon God.
This week, I was able to go to the dentist without being sedated beforehand. When I felt him place the permanent "crown" on my tooth, I felt tears flow down my cheeks. I knew exactly why I was crying. An eight year chapter of my life was finally closing. The original tooth, the one whose root canal had brought on the trigeminal neuralgia, had been finished. For eight years, this tooth has not had a crown. Because of the illness, I was first unable physically and then emotionally to let anyone touch it. I thank God that the tooth held on, waiting for its crown.
Life, for everyone, proves to be difficult at times. This week, the waters within me were stirred. I had to step back in for more healing. Because I had a crown and a filling redo, I had to keep my mouth open for quite a while. I am not accustomed to this, so pain erupted. It was not trigeminal pain but a few days of muscle spasms in my neck and head. It hurt to talk again. The trigeminal pain, the pain that is considered to be the worst pain known to humanity, never showed up. I just remembered it. I grieved. Sometimes it frustrates me that seven years of my life were bound by it. Yet I am assured that it had its purpose in my life.
One day, by God's grace, I will receive another permanent crown. Until then, I am charged to continue my race. I cannot continue unless I step into the healing waters. Sometimes the stirred pool is external, and I have to reach outward while other times I must retreat inward to understand the changes that occur within myself.
One day the healing waters will stir no more. We will not need to be healed. Our crowns will be delivered. Strife and illness will be gone. Divine love will reign.
Have you read With Great Mercy?